I Must Admit
by DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns
Summary: Rafael's in the lab with his mind and heart wandering on the girl sitting next to him. What'll happen when he decides to make his thoughts and feelings known. Or will someone else admit their thoughts and feelings first? Not Canon Compliant, Set on Season One!


Note: Written for shipping-hafael-is-taste from Tumblr based on the post: The day before Lizzie and Josie's party, Hope and Rafael are lab partners (nothing unusual) and Raf finally decides he's gonna tell Hope about the feelings he has had for her for the last few months. He decides to tell her the night of Lizzie's party.

This is a complete canon divergence, so nothing but really a bit of the first episode is canonical in a sense here. Forgive me for any beta mistakes and out of characterness :)

* * *

Rafael dropped his bag down on the table, a rough sigh escaping him as he took his seat in the lab.

If he had the choice, he wouldn't be here. It wasn't because of anything troubling; it was simply because he didn't want to do anything in the lab. Though he wouldn't admit it to anyone right now, there _might _be another reason he didn't want to come to the lab.

And that hypothetical reason just slipped into the seat next to him.

Hope Andrea Mikaelson.

For months now Rafael had to strain every muscle in his body so she wouldn't pick up on his heartbeat pitter-patting like a cliche rom-com. It amused him at first because when they initially met he didn't think they'd get along.

Boy, was he wrong.

_Hope eyes were narrowed at him as she growled lowly in frustration. As soon as the growl left her mouth, she rolled her eyes and stepped in Rafael's personal space._

_Of course, the werewolf was skeptical about the whole ordeal. She was accusing Landon of stealing and wanted to hunt him down. Now she was trying to get in close proximity to him? Nu-uh. He didn't trust it one bit._

_She raised her hands, and Rafael naturally stepped back. _

_"Just hold still," she said. "I'm trying to show you."_

_Rafael bit the inside of his cheek but nevertheless remained in his spot. Hope caressed his cheeks and whispered some spell, and a tug in his mind sent him to a spectrum of clouds. He looked in awe at the vision of sorts, and that's when he saw Landon sleeping with that stupid knife Hope was tracking. _

_The vision ended quicker than he expected, and Rafael met Hope's eyes. Huh, the blue color really glimmered in this light…_

_Wait. What the hell? _

_She removed her hands and stepped back, rubbing the back of her neck. _

_"I should get going," she said. "I have to get that dagger back."_

_Without thinking, Raf sealed his fate by stopping her and joining her on the quest for the dagger. He couldn't let her hurt Landon, and something within him was stirring. It didn't want anything to happen to Hope either. _

They'd gotten the dagger back _and _Landon safe. Whatever compelled him to take the thing had something to do with a curse that came from his birth mom. It was broken by a powerful, local witch that sent them on their way afterward. Landon was as good as he could be at the Mystic Falls High School while Raf attended the Salvatore School. A few weeks after his arrival, he'd somehow become the Alpha of the school's pack, which was so bizarre. Despite that, Raf felt like he belonged.

He also learned about the Loner Badass also known as Hope Mikaelson. He heard about her family and why she acted the way she did, and he could relate to that; if it weren't for Landon, he would have lost just about everything.

_"Her name was Cassie," Raf said. "I...she...I was just so angry." He clenched his fist on the wooden platform, staring out towards the serene waters. "I wasn't thinking, just driving fast with my blood boiling in my ears. I took a sharp turn and...and now she's gone." Raf looked at himself. "And I'm this."_

_Hope was sitting next to him, her head tilted slightly to look at him. "An ancient spirit used me, and when I tried to fight back to save my family, I messed up." Her head lifted towards the sky. "I hurt someone I thought would be safe...and they weren't." She shrugged unconvincingly._

_"It's not much consolation, but at least it wasn't someone you were supposed to give your heart to."_

_Hope snorted harshly. "As if that would be any better."_

_Rafael raised a brow. "Why wouldn't it be?"_

_Hope's smile was bitter, and she couldn't stop the stray tear from cascading down her cheek. She turned her head so their eyes could meet again. _

_"I thought I was giving my heart to someone, and it got my mother killed."_

Rafael hadn't felt such a strong need to protect someone til that moment at the docks with Hope. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and whisper nothing but encouragement. It surprised and scared him at the same time.

It was then he realized the feelings he had for Hope were far more than just an attraction. Though, after hearing her confession, he could never find the courage to tell her.

The irony of it was the fact that he could call out most of her bullshit whenever they verbally sparred—of course it was vice versa—and their physical spars held nearly nothing back. Yet he couldn't find the right time or nerve to tell her that.

Fingers snapping in his face broke Rafael from the trance he hadn't realized he had put himself in.

"Raf, are you okay?" Hope asked, watching him with those concerned, beautiful eyes of hers.

Stop, Rafael. Don't go back down that rabbit hole right now.

He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired is all."

Hope sighed and tapped on the table. "Tell me about it. I feel for you guys having to set up everything for the Sweet Sixteen. I had to hear about the theme and outfits _all night_."

"Are you going?" he found himself asking without missing a beat. He couldn't help but be a little hopeful; the curiosity of seeing the tribrid in a formal dress was too high.

Her eyes shifted from the front of the room—you know, where he was _supposed_ to be paying attention to as well—to Raf and shook her head.

"I don't think so," she replied. "There's only so many of these themed celebrations I can take."

"You haven't gone to any this year."

"Maybe I can't take any of them."

Rafael resisted the urge to snort. No matter the coaxing, he couldn't get her to come to any of the gatherings. She had to come to this one. While it was supposed to be the twins' special day, if Hope agreed, it would be a different kind of special for Raf.

"Just this once," he insisted. "For me."

Still, Hope expressed her uncertainty. Raf couldn't control his response again—he had to do something about that—and gave her a challenging look.

"Well, you'll have to go if you're my date," he said.

Hope's brows rose in surprise; she must not have expected that from the werewolf. She tried to recover with her snark.

"Is that your way of asking me to go with you?" she questioned.

He couldn't back out now. The ball was in his court. "No," he said before clearing his throat. "Hope, would you be my date to Sweet Sixteen party?"

Hope bit her lip and took a moment—that moment struck some fear in Raf, he couldn't lie—and nodded.

"Alright, Raf," she said. "It's a date."

There was no stopping it now; tomorrow night, Hope would learn about his feelings. If he didn't say it verbally, she'd know another way because there was no telling how he would react after seeing her dressed up.

* * *

The night was young, the atmosphere was lively, and Raf was anxious as hell.

Why? Because he was dancing with Hope. He barely knew the two-step much less _dance _dance. That was something he may have forgotten about in his grand scheme of things.

He couldn't let it stop him now, not when Hope was showing him how to lead. No one around them was the wiser on the situation, but that evil voice in his head wanted him to feel self-conscious about it.

"Raf, it's okay," she said with a soft laugh and a smile on her face. "You're doing great."

A smile for _him_.

Step after step, the pair moved. He would occasionally stumble, inwardly groaning at the lame look he felt that it gave him. He was beginning to think that he had made the wrong decision to try admitting his feelings; this couldn't end well at the rate he was going.

Yet the song continued, and the tribrid remained patient—with a tease here or there—with his dancing. By the second song, Rafael had gotten the hang of the ballroom dance stuff, and they were playing around with ease.

She would laugh, highlighting her beauty. The maroon color on her lips matched the dress billowing from their antics on the dance floor. Her heels were dark, only helping her meet Rafael's tall stature by a few inches; she was still short. Though, she was nothing short of breathtaking.

And she was there with him.

That impulsive side of him was trying to crawl its way out when a really slow song began to play. The students around them were all paired on the floor, holding one another real close. This could be his chance. Hope began to spin, and Rafael stretched his arm out so she could twirl out. He brought his arm back with a spinning Hope, and she stopped on point with her hand on his chest.

Their eyes met, and her heavy breathing caused her lips to be partially open. It was so effortless, innocent, and inviting. His impulses couldn't handle it. His heart was ready to howl to the moon.

"I think I might love you, Hope Mikaelson," he whispered, unable to contain his eagerness in the heat of the moment. They were so close together; it wouldn't take much to just lean forward and kiss her...

Except Hope's breath hitched, and the song ended. Around them were applause, but Rafael's attention had been solely on Hope. The astonishment coloring her features didn't resemble the pleasant variety. In fact, she looked horrified.

The realization made Rafael's stomach drop.

If it weren't humiliating enough, she released his hands and started walking backward and away from him. Hope hadn't said a word, but to Raf, she didn't need to. The rejection was clear in the air.

He was rooted to the spot, watching her form disappear in a sea of students. If he were in his wolf form, Raf was pretty sure his ears would have dropped low in shame.

* * *

Feeling like a dejected puppy, Rafael had gone to the Old Mill to get some peace. Everyone was still around the school grounds, so he should have the place to himself and his thoughts.

Being brutally honest with himself, the evening sucked. What started off so well ended like a shit show because he couldn't control the timing of his confession. Though, from the looks of things, it wasn't the timing that ruined everything. It was his feelings in general.

He should have known she had no intention of being romantically involved with anyone, let alone him. After what she'd told him before, it was those kinds of emotions that took her mother away. How could he expect her to think differently now?

The irritation at himself began to bubble up from within, and he kicked angrily at the dust-collecting objects within the mill.

"Stupid, Raf," he growled. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Careful there," drawled a voice in a tentative manner. "Someone might call you a Mad Dog out here."

Spinning around to face the person, Rafael couldn't decide if he were more pained or transfixed by the sight of the girl.

"What is it, Hope? Coming to rub more salt in the rejected wound?" he jabbed.

The brunette flinched, smoothing the invisible wrinkles on the front of her dress. "I guess I deserved that," she said with a sigh.

She started walking inside towards him, but Rafael didn't get his hopes up. He didn't move away from the building post either. He simply waited for her to say or do whatever it was she intended to do so he could be on his wallowing way.

"I don't normally say sorry for things," she began. "But I _am_ sorry for my reaction. It was unexpected," Hope placed a hand on her hip, "and I'm not exactly the lovable type."

If only she knew. That's right, she knew now.

"I shouldn't have sprung something like that out of nowhere," Rafael replied, shaking his head. Even though he was still hurt, he couldn't stay mad at Hope for even an hour. It was a curious feat considering it was his anger that set off his newfound life as a werewolf. "I knew better."

"No," Hope said. "No, I am supposed to be the one apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong."

He...he didn't?

"It's just scary, you know? Being this close to someone without all the mushy romance stuff," she continued. "Especially when you realize that you want all the mushy romance stuff." Her laughter was dry, nearly sounding like the making of a sob. "You make the decision to keep guys away from your heart in that way so you won't be hurt again. It works so well until one guy rolls from under their jeep and has stayed near my side since."

Rafael couldn't believe what he was hearing. Hope was being vulnerable to him, more than she had in the past. She wasn't holding back, and Raf was too speechless to stop her.

"He's just as angry and stubborn as you are," Hope said. "And you feel like yourself around him. Despite your mind screaming 'Danger', you felt safe as long as the infamous 'L' word didn't come out." She slapped her arms at her sides. "Then it did. That safety net was pulled right from under you during the happiest moment you'd felt in so long."

The werewolf really didn't know what to say yet. He was hearing and attempting to process what Hope was saying; he had to be careful to make the right move. So he continued to listen to her.

She was pacing a short distance now, her dress ruffling and shifting with the steps she took. "It hits you after that net is gone and that fear just...just attacks your brain so you run and overthink. Then flashes of his face battle that fear, and the hurt you caused to that face overpowers everything." Hope bit her lip and stopped pacing. She pivoted on her heel and approached Rafael. "You can't leave his face with that hurt. You have to tell him and yourself the truth."

Rafael knew it took everything within Hope to come out with that, even if she maybe definitely rambled a bit like the twins—he would _never_ actually tell her that, though. Still, she opened herself up for the same rejection if not a higher degree of it. It was fortunate that Rafael recognized the second chance and wasn't _that _petty.

He reached for both her hands, raising them in the opening position of their dance. She followed suit silently, her eyes glazed over as she held her chin high to save face. Rafael began the steps in their dance, the music playing in his mind with no hesitation. Again, she followed suit silently. She was waiting for him.

"I can't say that I can relate to your truth, Hope," Rafael said. He saw the way her eyes began to glance towards the ground, hardening all the way, but the werewolf wouldn't allow that to finish. He drew Hope towards him suddenly, one hand on the small of her back so he could dip her. As he lowered Hope's startled person, he offered her a gentle, cheeky grin.

"I'm not into guys," he told her. "I've been into this tribrid girl who nearly shut herself away from the world. I'm just glad she didn't shut herself away from me. Think you know her?"

The light in Hope's eyes returned in an instant, and she laughed in disbelief. As Rafael brought Hope back into a standing position, she released his hand so she could cup his cheeks. She lifted herself up on the toes of her heels and pulled his face closer.

"Yeah, I think the students said her name was Hope," she said.

Rafael chuckled lowly and finished what he almost started in the school. He closed the small space between them and claimed her lips. His arms wrapped around her waist, and her body arched into his.

This night was ending much better than he could have imagined.

* * *

Word Count: 2,723


End file.
